Some of my wandering thoughts

My Brother and Lessons Learned

2010-08-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

My brother was born in April 1980.Six years later, I came along. We also have an older sister that is eight years older than I am. For the most, part during our growing up years, my brother and I got along. There were those typical brother-sister moments when we had our fights like everyone else, but then you would find us playing with cars together on the living room floor. But as we started to grow older, my brother started making choices that would take him to places that he never thought he would go. You see, my siblings and I grew up in a Christian home, but that was not the lifestyle my brother decided to live. He started to secretly dabble in pornography at an early age. This addiction grabbed him. He tried many times to serve the Lord, but failed because of this addiction. After he graduated from high school, he decided to go to Bible College to try to escape. But, once again his addiction caught up with him and this time he was caught. He was sent home from the Bible College and decided to live with my sister and her husband.He later moved out into his own apartment, and without any accountability started down the path of pornography once again. This time the addiction wrapped him up so much that many times he chose his addiction over his family.This addiction started not to satisfy, so he started to try other things to satisfy his life. For about the length of a year, our family would go months at a time without hearing from my brother. During this time, the choices my brother made all of our family heavy hearted. I started praying, "Lord do whatever it takes to get my brother back into the family of God."

My grandpa had seventeen brothers and sisters, so some of my mom's cousins were closer in age to my sibling's and my age than my mom. In May 2007, one of those cousins who was around the same age as my brother was found dead at his home. This shook my brother, but not enough to turn to his life back to God. He decided to move back into my mom and dad's home that summer. In September 2007, my grandpa unexpectedly had a massive heart attack and died.Once again, I could see that it affected my brother, but still it seemed that he would make no move towards God.

Now I was scared for my brother and I started to pray, "God if it means taking my brother's life right after he gets saved for him to make it to Heaven, do it." I prayed this prayer for about two years. And during this time it seemed like I would never see this prayer answered. But slowly God started to get a hold of my brother's heart. My brother wanted to be a part of a church even though he wasn't saved. So the pastor of the church graciously allowed him to drive one of the church vans on Sunday morning. I going to be honest and say, when I heard this, I thought to myself, "Great, now he will never have a true relationship with God, because he got what he wanted." But God knew best. In July 2009, my brother took the teens from his church to a Youth Camp in Athens, MI. On Thursday night after a wonderful service, my brother slipped from the tabernacle and into his room to surrender his life to the Lord. My dad and mom started to see a change in his life.

A little over a month later my brother was diagnosed with a sinus infection. He was put on antibiotics, but they didn't work so they tried another antibiotic. Six weeks after he was saved, my mom called me telling me they were taking my brother to the hospital. He was so weak he couldn't walk without help from my parents. Small bruises were starting to appear on his face. It was my second day of my senior year of college, so I was heading to Wal-mart to pick up some supplies and groceries for school. I told her to keep me informed and I would talk to her later.

Five minutes after they got to the hospital she called me back and told me that it appeared that my brother had had a heart attack. I asked her if I should come in. She said to wait and see what the doctors said. I was finishing up at Wal-mart when my brother-in-law called me saying to pack up and meet him and my sister at their house. We needed to head to Ohio. Now it looked like my brother's kidneys were shutting down. I rushed back to my college apartment. I informed my friends what was happening and my immediate plans to leave town. They told me that they would drive me the two hours to my sister's house. We jumped in the car and headed to my sister's. I figured I would be back in a couple of days but wasn't for sure.

When we arrived at my sister's, I jumped in their van and we made the 3 and ½ hour trip to my hometown. I remember walking into the ICU room that he had been placed in. He was asleep,so we didn't disturb him. By this time, they had pushed liters of fluid into him due to the fact his kidneys were shutting down. Because of the amount of fluid his body was retaining, he didn't look like my brother.

The next few days felt like a trip on a roller coaster of emotions. I wanted my brother to live, but on the other hand I didn't want him to suffer. The doctors assumed that it was an infection spreading through his body, but they couldn't figure out the cause of the infection. By Thursday afternoon, the oxygen wasn't keeping up and the bruising had spread to other limbs of his body. By this time they had figured out that his blood platelets were extremely low and he was bleeding out under his skin.The doctors had placed him on the most powerful medicines to remove the infection, blood pressure medicine to keep his blood pressure from dropping dangerously low, but the medicine did not seem to help my brother at all. His body was weak and not fighting the infection. The doctors knew this, because he was not running a fever. The doctors asked if they could place him on a ventilator, and we agreed, hoping that somehow this would help his body to fight off whatever this infection was. Before placing him on the ventilator my brother's pastor went into the room and prayed with him. The last words my brother spoke were, "I'm in God's hands now."

By Friday, my brother's condition was looking a little better, but still very bleak. His kidneys had kicked in overnight a little and he started to have a slight fever. But by Friday afternoon, things started to go downhill once again. My dad, mom, sister, and I stayed in the hospital waiting room, because we didn't want to be far away. Honestly, I was waiting for them to call a code and find out it be for my brother. Morning came and no code.

Soon the nurse walked in the room and we all knew that it was bad news. My brother's kidneys had shut completely down. The medicine that they had him on to stabilize his blood pressure was not working. The nurse told us that the doctor would be out soon to give us options. As a family, we had already decided that we didn't want my brother to suffer, so we knew the end was in sight. The doctor took us into the small chapel by the waiting room and was very frank with us. My brother's brain had started to bleed. Because his body was doing it's best to try to keep the major organs operating the blood supply was not getting to his limbs and causing them to die. In short, if my brother would live he probably would be a vegetable and would have to have most, if not all, his limbs amputated. We as a family knew it was time to let him go. We asked them to keep him alive until as many of the extended family and friends as possible were able to say their good-byes.

It was close to noon. Everyone that had wanted to say their good-byes had come and gathered to give us their support. We were preparing to tell the nurse that we were ready to say good-bye ourselves, when the nurse quietly came out and told us that his blood pressure was dropping rapidly and the end was in sight. We rushed into to the room to spend the last few moments with my brother that he would spend on this earth. I remember watching the monitor as his blood pressure and pulse dropped to zero. I didn't understand why it was happening. I remember walking out of the room into one of my cousin's arms and crying uncontrollably. I remember walking into the hallway and telling friends and family that he was gone. Not realizing the finality of it all.

The next few days were a blur of planning the funeral and picking out flowers. It felt so unreal that my brother was in the presence of Jesus in Heaven. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.Even though my brother and I had our brother-sister moments, we were supposed to grow old and be able to pick on each other. I wanted to see him become a strong stable Christian. I wanted to have him at my college graduation, one day my wedding, and hopefully later on see my children grow up. But God had different plans. Honestly, even until this day, it doesn't seem real. Yes,reality is starting to set in slowly, as holidays and special events come and go and he is not there.

But I can say through each and every day, God has been there and he is teaching me lessons. The first lesson is to never take your family for granted. Many times while growing up, I just expected all of my family to grow old with me. Now I know that we need to make memories while we can. Every moment we spend together is time to be cherished.

The second lesson that I have learned through this situation and other situations in my life is that we can trust Jesus. No, we may not understand why God chose to allow the certain situation to happen, but we can lean on Him to give us the strength and the grace to help us through every day.

The third lesson, I have learned is life is short. Live it like this was your last day. Make decisions that you won't regret. Most importantly, make sure that your relationship with God is personal and real. Don't wait until the last minute to surrender your life to Jesus Christ. My brother didn't realize that six weeks after he surrendered his heart and life to Jesus that he would be seeing Him face-to-face. You and I probably don't realize just how close we are to that day as well.

The fourth lesson I learned is,don't think that you have done too much for God to forgive you. Yes, my brother was like the prodigal son, but God was willing to give my brother another chance. In one of the songs that was played at my brother's funeral the chorus contains these lyrics

"He ran to me, He took me in His arms

Held my head to His chest, said "My son's come home again"

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice He said,

"Son do you know I still love you?"

He caught me by surprise when God ran."

God still loves you no matter what you have done and wants to welcome you back into the fold of God. Please let Him. Just surrender your life and heart to Jesus. If you don't know how, please ask someone that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt loves and follows Jesus.

Remember, we are not promised tomorrow. Don't wait until the last minute to give your life to God, because you don't know when your last minute will be. God is waiting for you to walk into His arms. If you know that you are a Christian, keep trusting God. It will be worth it all.

Thank you to all who have prayed and supported our family during this time. It is greatly appreciated.

Waiting

2010-03-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

I started writing this a few months ago and just finished it tonight.

Today, I'm tired of waiting I want the man that God has for me now
I know this isn't what God has planned so I must wait.
Wait for the day that God has planned for us to meet
Wait for the day that you can hold me in your arms and kiss me good night
Wait for the day that we can dance under the moon light
Wait for the day that day so together we can grow old
Satisfied because we know that we waited for God's timing

Why

2009-09-16T13:35:00.001-07:00

I wonder why
I hear trust Me
I wonder why now
I hear in My time
I wonder what for
I hear it’s My way
I surrender
I feel comfort and strength

Many times in life I don’t understand God’s ways and how He works. I wonder what is the point of all the pain and the hurt. Then God reminds me of the past, how He has worked out everything before. I can’t say that I understand why God chose to take my brother, but I can say that I trust Him to know what is best for me, my family, and my friends. I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt and there’s not an empty spot in my heart, but I can say that the hope I have gives me comfort and strength to take the next step. I may never know for sure the reason why, but I know for sure that one day I will see my brother in the Place where there will be no pain or death again.

Good-bye but not forever

2009-09-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? It seems so abrupt. Not knowing what to say. Hanging on to memories. From playing trucks and cars in the living room to the last good-bye. Wondering what the future would have held if God would have left you here to serve him a little longer. Not understanding why yet, but remembering that God never makes a mistake. It seems weird thinking that you won't be here for Christmas or my wedding or see my kids. It still seems like a bad dream that I will wake up and you will still be here. I miss picking on you and you picking on me. I miss going out to Dillon with the you, Mom, and Dad.

I'm thankful that you gave your life to Jesus before you went. So that one day I can run up behind you and punch your arm and then give you a hug.

I miss you and love you. Tell Papaw hi. See ya later

More Pics

2009-07-14T20:55:00.001-07:00

More Pics

2009-07-14T20:54:00.001-07:00

A few of the pics of Guatemala

2009-07-14T20:53:00.001-07:00

Arrived Back Safely

2009-06-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone
Sorry that I couldn't post while I was gone. I couldn't figure out how to get a @ sign on a Spanish keyboard until I was almost ready to come back to the states, so I figured I would just wait. I have lots of stories and I will try to get a link to my pics which I have over 1000 up soon. I'm not home yet. My cousin and I will be flying from her aunt's house back home tomorrow. I will try to post everything soon. But for now I'm heading to bed.

Summer Plans & Updates

2009-05-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

For all of my ten readers, I was just wanting to let you know that I will be leaving next Monday, June 1, 2009 for my missions trip. I'm really excited to go and see what God has in store for me. Please pray for my team and me as we go that God will give us traveling mercies and help us as we minister to those in Guatemala.

If I am able at any point, I will post an update here instead of sending out a mass e-mail. So check back during the month of June to see if I have internet access in Guatemala. I'm doubtful, but you never know. If I am not able to post during the trip, after I get back I will post and also put pictures on.

Hope you all have a wonderful summer.

2009-05-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

Why is it some does not having you around doesn't bother me

But other days I long for you to be around

So that I can sit on your knees again

And tell you about my life

Then hear you tell me I'm proud of you girl

Stand strong

God will help you

Papaw, I miss you and wish you were around. But I know that you are where you lived your life to go. You are probably sitting at the feet of Jesus thanking Him for all He did for you.

I love you Papaw and one day will sneak up behind you and take your wallet again :)

2009-03-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

2009-03-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend at John and Monica's as normal. Their dog, Ginger had puppies about seven or eight weeks ago. I thought they were cute, so I took some pictures of them. Hope you enjoy!

More Ramblings

2009-02-20T21:16:00.000-08:00

Some days it is easy to trust God. Some days you have to choose to trust God. I find that it's not always easy believing that God knows best. To be honest, I have questioned God to make sure that He knows what He is doing. Of course He does. But in my humaness, I find it easy to forget that God knows what is best.

I find though on the days that I have to choose to trust God. I have learned many lessons, including God always comes through just when we need Him. Not in our time, but His.

I find that the poem "FootPrints" is true. Many times I have heard that poem and thought of it as a nice cliche. Now that I'm growing older I realize just how true it is. God is always there for me. He wants me to make it to Heaven even more than I want to make it to Heaven. For goodness sake, He sent His one and only Son to die on an old rugged cross for MY sins. He didn't have to do this, but because He wanted a relationship with me He chose to do it.

I find that when I choose to trust. I am gently reminded that God is in control. He doesn't need me to carry out His plan. Yes, sometimes He chooses to work through me, but not always. Sometimes, the only thing that I can do is pray and trust God to work out the situation.

I am also reminded that I am to far to turn back now. I'm realizing that the beginning of eternity is just around the corner and this is not the time to be playing games with God. It is the time to draw closer to God and be everything that He wants me to be. He will never ask me to do anything that He won't give me the grace and the strength to do.

Some more pics

2009-02-16T15:11:00.001-08:00

A few of my most recent creations

2009-02-11T14:10:00.001-08:00

This one is a drawing in Illustrator of a teddy bear that my Grandpa made me

This is a picture that I did for photography class. I'm not for sure how well you will be able to see it.

Lessons from the Cross

2009-02-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

Lessons we can learn from the Cross
1. Surrender our all
As we see in the Garden of Gethsemane, it wasn't easy for Jesus to lay down His life for us. Yet, He willingly went to the cross to suffer and die for our sins.

2. God knows best
Though at the time to the followers of Jesus it appeared that all was lost. They couldn't see the bigger picture. God was providing them with full and free salvation. No more making that trip to the temple once a year, so that their sins could be forgiven. They would have a open relationship with him. They wouldn't have to go through the High Priest any longer.

3. God knows the pain and suffering we go through.
We can rest assured that God understands the pain of the trials that we go through. Can you imagine watching your Son carry the sins of the world on His shoulders and then dying for them. He knows what it feels like when we have a heartache.

4. Don't give up, Sunday is coming
It's always the darkest before the dawn. Remember when it seems like nothing is going right. The morning is coming and the dark clouds will roll back and the sun will break through. One of these days we will rise up and meet Him in the air.

2009-01-26T17:53:00.000-08:00

Found in Lori Wick's Book White Chocolate Moments p. 266

What does my soul cry out for more than the truth
What does my spirit thirst for more than holiness
I long for light from the Word, and sight from the Lord
I want to be like my Savior and God.

So work in me, and save my soul
Oh cleanse my heart, and make me whole
Oh make us one in righteousness
Pour out Your power and send Your grace.

That's my prayer tonight. I want to be filled to overflowing by God.

Winter Pics

2009-01-14T15:39:00.000-08:00

The Laws of the Lighthouse

2009-01-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

This is written by Max Lucado

The Laws of the Lighthouse contain more than good ideas, personal preferences, and honest opinions. They are God-given, time-tested truths that define the way you should navigate your life. Observe them and enjoy secure passage. Ignore them and crash against the ragged rocks of reality.Smart move. The wise captain shifts the direction of his craft according to the signal of the lighthouse. A wise person does the same.Herewith, then, are the lights I look for and the signals I heed:
-- Love God more than you fear hell.
-- Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
-- Make major decisions in a cemetery.
-- When no one is watching, live as if someone is
-- Succeed at home first.
-- Don't spend tomorrow's money today.
-- Pray twice as much as you fret.
-- Listen twice as much as you speak.
-- Only harbor a grudge when God does.
-- Never outgrow your love of sunsets
-- Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some.
-- 'Tis wiser to err on the side of generosity than on the side of scrutiny.
-- God has forgiven you; you'd be wise to do the same.
-- When you can't trace God's hand, trust his heart.
-- Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
-- Don't feel guilty for God's goodness
-- The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
-- Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
-- Live your liturgy.

To sum it all up:Approach life like a voyage on a schooner. Enjoy the view. Explore the vessel. Make friends with the captain. Fish a little. And then get off when you get home.

Why I'm Too Far To Give Up Now

2009-01-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

God has been showing me that even during hard times that there are too many reasons to throw up our hands in despair. Here are a few reasons, I came up with.

He's helping me to learn to trust Him
He's kept me from a lot of things so far in my life
Even when it seems that He's not there during the battle, as I look back He has been there all along.
People is looking at my life. Do they see a difference?
I have a peace that the world cannot give.
He has taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
He is the only way to make it to Heaven.

Here On My Knees

2008-12-23T15:25:00.000-08:00

I found this in an old notebook today. I thought I would share it.

Here on my knees, I wonder why we have to look at the same moon in two different places. I wonder what God's plan is keeping us apart. He must still be preparing us for a life time of companionship.

I wonder if our kids will have blue eyes or brown. I wonder how it will feel when we tuck them into bed and hear their goodnight prayers. I guess I'll have to wait, here on my knees.

There are days when I feel that I am all alone. I just want to feel your gentle touch and see the sparkle of love in your eyes. But here on my knees, I know that God has a greater plan than mine. And He will answer in His perfect time.

I am here on my knees, waiting to see your face. I am here on my knees, wanting to hold your hand. I am doing my best not to rush God's perfecting timing. I'm trying to learn patience and contentment. God is teaching and molding me, as I'm here on my knees. He is helping me to become a woman that will please Him and be able to perform the role of a woman in a relationship.

Here on my knees, I will stay until you are brought into my life.

2008-12-21T20:32:00.001-08:00

What I Can Learn from Christmas and Symbols of Christmas

1. Trust - The shepherds had to trust what the angels told them on that first Christmas night.

2. God is always protecting us - He sends angels ahead of us and goes with them Himself

3. Lights - Walk in the Light God gives us

4. One day we will be in Heaven with the angels.

5. We are white as snow

6. God knows what’s best. - We wouldn’t think that sending a baby was the best way to save the world.

7. We are to reflect God’s love just like the bulbs on the tree reflect the lights.

8. We are to “connect” as a team just as the beads connect to go around the tree.

9. Lights - We are the light of the world.

10. Our sights should be upward just as the tree branches point upward.

11. Jesus can really see if we are good or bad

12. God gave us the greatest gift - LOVE

13. God is always with us

14. Ice - Watch out for the tricks of Satan, so we don’t slip and fall.

15. Christmas Music - reminds us to praise the real meaning of Christmas.

2008-12-21T20:29:00.001-08:00

What do I think of when I think of Christmas? I think of family gatherings, opening presents, going home, sledding on my aunt’s hill. But mostly I think about that night in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. When we think of that night most of the time we think about a quiet night when the whole world was silent just waiting for the Savior to be born, but in reality according to the Bible it was the exact opposite. Bethlehem was buzzing with frustrated travelers that were not happy to be in the town. You see the Savior was the last thing on their minds, they just wanted to pay their taxes put their name in for the census and get back home. Only a few select people actually saw Jesus that night. Mary Joseph the shepherds and maybe the innkeeper’s wife or servants.

As we celebrate the season, let us not forget to become silent and worship the true meaning of Christmas. For without Jesus Christ, where would we be today?

My testimony

2008-12-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

I found this video. I love this song.

Christmas thought

2008-12-10T14:00:00.001-08:00

Luke 2
10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

Did the angel really realize what he was saying when he said Fear not? Did he realize that the Savior of the world would make it possible to face our past, present, future, and even death without fear? Jesus came to free us from our past mistakes, failures, and things that other people have done to us. Jesus doesn’t want us to live in constant fear that we will make the same mistakes again. Does he want us to stop what we are doing and evaluate what we did. Yes, but He doesn’t want us to be afraid of taking a step out on faith, because we took that step the last time and failed to complete the job or it just didn‘t seem to work out. He wants us to overcome the times when people have done us wrong in the past. Does this excuse what that person did to us ? No, it does not.

Jesus made it possible for us to live in the present. He wants us to be able to live life fully even if it is just taking one step at a time. He is there to carry us when we don’t feel that we can’t take another step. We don’t have to be afraid, because we can have the confidence that He will carry us through.

Because He lives we can face the future. We don’t have to be in constant fear of what might happen to us. Jesus goes before us. He said that He wouldn’t put on us anything that we couldn’t handle with His strength to help us. We don’t have to be afraid of death. For as Christians, we know that death will bring us face to face with the One that we serve.

The King of kings and Lord of lords was born in a manager, died on a rugged cross, and rose again on the third day, so that we might have life and see Him and our loved ones that have gone on before us. So this Christmas season remember that the Babe that was born in the manager is standing right beside you and I , ready to help us overcome what ever has happened in the past, what we are struggling with right now or what we are about ready to face. FEAR NOT, For Emmanuel is near!

My God

2008-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

Here is a reminder of how strong and faithful our God is

What About Today?

2008-11-25T17:46:00.000-08:00

I have said many times to myself "I will start eating healthy and exercising tomorrow" or "I can wait and do that homework assignment until tomorrow". As I sit here writing this, I'm asking myself, if I treat God and my relationship with Him this way. Do I put off my devotions if I get too busy thinking that I can catch up the next day. God is showing me how important it is not to do this. Yes, He can communicate with us even when we are not in our devotional "closet", but I wonder how many times we have missed His voice, because we are not practicing on a daily basis to listen to His voice. God wants to hear us cry out to Him and make our request know to him.

Do I walk by a hurting person and think that they will still be around to minister to tomorrow? Do I miss opportunities to tell people about Jesus just because I'm to busy? As a Christian, I'm commanded to reach out to the hurting. to show them the love of Christ. I'm realizing that my busy schedule being completed won't give me the satisfaction and joy that leading a lost soul to Christ.

As I look at the storm, I'm face today, I think do I have enough faith to trust God to bring me through. It's easy looking back on previous storms and see how God has moved. But as I go through another of life's tunnel where it is dark and hard to see God's hand, do I trust God to do what He promised He would do? He said that He would never leave me or forsake me. He said that He would carry me when I couldn't walk. So why is it so easy for me to take the situation out of God's hand, saying by my actions "God, I will trust you tomorrow".

Today is the day to live in, for we have this moment. God didn't promise us tomorrow. We say we need to have a spiritual revival in America, but it's not going to happen if we keep pushing our spiritual concerns to the back burner. As Christian, we need to stop playing around the edge of the waters, and plunge into the deep today. Because this is the moment that counts.

Trusting God

2008-11-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

These days I find myself struggling to take my hands off of a certain situation and trust God completely with it. I find myself wanting to fix the situation my way, but I know that God knows what is best for my life. I ask myself why is it so hard to trust God. Is it that I think I can do a better job? That is just nonsense. How do I think that I can do a better job then the creator of the universe. The One who knows me and all fellow human beings better than I know myself or know them. The One who know exactly what it is going to take to fix the situation. I'm glad He knows, because I sure don't.

I have found when I do trust Him. He walks with me each step of the way. He gives me peace about the situation and assures me that He still cares. He showing me that it pays to trust him and He will work out everything just fine in His timing.

Trust His Heart - Babbie Mason

Trust His Heart by Babbie Mason

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hand
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

Angels Among Us

2008-11-20T06:15:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would share this song.

God is Good!!

2008-11-18T17:02:00.000-08:00

Last night I was involved in car accident. I was heading back to college from my parents house. I hit a patch of black ice and immediately started fish tailing. I tried to correct it, but my car just started to fish tail the other way. I ended up hitting the curb. I braced myself to hit the guard rail, but the officers said I ended up doing up something like this

Except I didn't do it as graceful. I landed rather hard and finally came to a complete stop. I started to get out of the car and a lady came down the hill asking if I was okay. I said I was okay, but I couldn't find my cell phone, so I asked to borrow hers. She didn't have one and I found mine in the door pocket. I called 911, but people had already beat me to the punch. I had police officers, ambulances, and fire trucks all around me. I was asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I couldn't decide because I was still in shock. So they ushered me into the ambulance, I called my mother who told me to go get checked out. I was put on a backboard (they need to make those things a little more comfortable) and I received the wonderful reward of a neck brace (those things could use a little work too). I then was off to the hospital that I had just passed five minutes before this grand event. Soon after I was evaluated in the ER, they decided to take me off of the back board, but the neck brace had to stay on until I had x-rays taken. The police officer came into my room and told me that four more accidents had happened at the same place after I had had mine. After everyone had left, I started to become bored and started to place calls to the people that needed to know what was going on. A man then came into my room to take me to the x-ray room (otherwise known as Antarctica). I think they took like ten x-rays and then rolled me back to my room (they need to put pictures on the ceiling, because the roll was rather boring looking up at the ceiling) Anyway, after the x-rays I started to get really bored and my brother-in-law asked for a picture of me in the neck brace, so this is my mug shot of boredom

Finally, they came in took the neck brace off and got the tape out of my hair that held the nifty little pads in place and offered me some food. This food lived up to the typical stereotype of hospital food and so I only ate some of it. Finally they said I could leave and my parents arrived to pick me up.

Today, we went to look at the car. It doesn't look so bad, but we will have to wait for the shop to check it out tomorrow. I also go for a follow-up appointment at my family doctor tomorrow to see what is up with all the soreness that is going on in my neck and back and what they want to do about it.

Lessons I have learned from this accident

Be ready to enter into eternity at a moments notice
God is my protector
Live each moment like it is your last
If you think that you will regret not doing something, do it. Don't put it off
God has a bigger plan than what my human eyes can see.

Love ya all and thanks to everyone that kept me company via my cell phone in the ER last night. Thanks to the ambulance workers and the nurses who took care of me. Thanks Dad, Mom, and Uncle Terry for braving the roads to come get me. Thanks John, Monica, and Janae for providing everyone a place to stay last night.

2008-11-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

While doing a research paper for school, I found this quote from Wayne Jackson and thought I would share.

"Life is filed with struggle and heartache. But giving in never accomplishes anything. It only complicates."

Take Jonah's advice. Stick it out. Remember God is always with you in the midst of the storm.

Walls

2008-11-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

Many walls have been built over the centuries of time. Some built by wood and stone, which crumble over time. Some walls are built by hurt, anger, an unforgiving spirit, and bitterness. These walls can only be torn down by the person that built them. If the choice is made not to tear them down, these walls grow taller and stronger daily until they completely surround and swallow the person. Eventually, these walls are all the person see and is able to focus on. These walls effect every area of the person's spiritual life, emotional life, and relationships. These invisible walls do not only effect the person that built them, but also everyone that is in contact with the person. These walls holds people at arm's length. The builder assumes that he/she will never be hurt again, but in reality they are hurt day after day because the old wound is festering and not healing. Secretly, the person is longing for freedom from these walls, but either doesn't know how to escape or doesn't want to risk the emotional pain that will be apart of the healing process. They don't want to give up the "security" that these walls give them.

There is hope for the person that is trapped in these walls. I heard a song recently that says it all.

In this world where you’ve been living
You have lived for much to long
And your life has lost it sunshine
And your heart has lost it’s song
You have made your life a prison
With the walls so big and wide
And you’ve left the Lord outside

Freedom freedom is yours for the asking
Jesus is waiting to make you free
His love will take you
Where walls can’t separate you
And you shall be free
When the truth makes you free

You have made yourself a prisoner
Of a world you won’t let go
And the walls rise up around you
And each day they upward grow
Look above the sun is shining
There is a bright new world above
It is God’s world of freedom and love

The hope is in Jesus. He will heal the hurt and pain. Look up for your redemption draweth nigh. No, it is not an easy road. Sometimes you have to go through more pain before you can heal properly. But if you give everything to Jesus, He will help you through it and help you break through the walls. Set up a close support system with people that you trust. Hold to God's promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. Remind yourself daily that God loves you and can also feel the pain you are going through.

For those that have already broken out of their walls, reach out to those who are hurting. Show them Christ's love. Sure, sometimes it's not easy, but remember the pain that you have gone through and what it took for you to break out of your walls. Be there to listen when the hurting wants to talk. Remember to carry this person to Christ through prayer and fasting. Remind them carefully and gently that when the wall is torn down that they will be free. Free from the pain, torture, and guilt. I challenge you seek out a prisoner of these invisible walls and be Christ to them.

Mid-terms are over!

2008-10-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

Mid-terms are over and break will be here as soon as my night class is over. I will be heading to my parents for the weekend and then back to John and Monica's for a few days. I can't wait.

God is helping me and answering prayers. He has answered a prayer just today.

Well gotta run and pack and read for tonight's class.

Signing off,
The procrastinator :)

Fall is here!

2008-10-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

I have a tradition of taking fall pictures of Janae. Here is one that I took this weekend.

Whispered Prayers

2008-10-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

Karen Peck and New River's song "Whispered Prayers" really spoke to me today. I felt like some of my prayers were not getting through today. But God gently reminded me to hang on, because they are being heard and in His timing everything will work out
Here's the song

2008-10-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

I recently found this song on the new Booth Brother's cd and absolutely love it!

2008-10-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

This video clip reminded me of how Jesus came to earth to fight our battle and won. Then He picked us out of the crowd and took us into the arena of life and said “ This is my child. I have fought the battle and won especially for him/her”. Then He will lead us to Heaven and present us to God the Father and say "Well done, You are beautiful in My eyes". Jesus looks at me through the eyes of mercy and says "Melissa , you are beautiful in my eyes. Keep listening to me and you will turn out just the way that I wanted you to". He never leaves me. He is always there walking beside me. He is there to listen to me when I need Him the most. I serve Him, because I love Him. For truly He has given life to me.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee and I ordained thee…..

I Corinthians 13

2008-10-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was studying I Corinthians 13 and found it helpful to write my verison to help me study it. Here's what I came up with

If I have impeccable communication skills, but don’t have true love. I am like a really bad orchestra that’s out of tune and not in sync.

If I could tell the future and understand the questions of life and have enough faith to see mountains walk out of my way but do not have love I might as well be the dirt on the ground or invisible

If I give everything I have to the needy and do everything I can for people to the point I’m burned out, but don’t have love. I might as well not have done it at all.

Love doesn’t blow up easily, but tries to understand the other person’s points of views. Love is not jealous of the other person or of their possessions. Love is not stuck on itself. Love is not condescending or rude. Love doesn’t always have to have it’s own way. It does not get easily upset or despise Love hates it when wrong is done. Love doesn’t count up wrongdoing. Loves extremely appreciate it when the other person is honest. Love endures life experiences and pressures of life. Love believes and trusts. Love never gives up hope. Love never ends or stops

Prophecies will be fulfilled or forgotten. Languages will cease to exist. Knowledge can be forgotten. We only know a little part of the whole story and we try to figure out the rest to tell other people. But one day we will know the whole story and we will forget the little story.
When I was a child, I spoke, thought, and processed as a child. Now I’m a woman and I act like it. On the day that we see the whole story and see Jesus face-to-face, I will be know as I really am.

Faith, Hope, and Love these three are important in life, but he most important is love.

2008-10-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

I like to take pictures of my little "sis" aka as my niece. Here are a few of my favorites.

God is there

2008-10-06T16:35:00.001-07:00

I am going through a difficult time right now. My cousin sent this to me and I thought I would share

He Wants to Comfort You
by Max Lucado

My child's feelings are hurt. I tell her she's special. My child is injured. I do whatever it takes to make her feel better.

My child is afraid. I won't go to sleep until she is secure.

I'm not a hero. I'm not a superstar. I'm not unusual. I'm a parent. When a child hurts, a parent does what comes naturally. He helps.

And after I help, I don't charge a fee. I don't ask for a favor in return. When my child cries, I don't tell her to buck up, act tough, and keep a stiff upper lip. Nor do I consult a list and ask her why she is still scraping the same elbow or waking me up again.

I'm not a prophet, nor the son of one, but something tells me that in the whole scheme of things the tender moments described above are infinitely more valuable than anything I do in front of a computer screen or congregation. Something tells me that the moments of comfort I give my child are a small price to pay for the joy of someday seeing my daughter do for her daughter what her dad did for her.

Moments of comfort from a parent. As a father, I can tell you they are the sweetest moments in my day. They come naturally. They come willingly. They come joyfully.

If all of that is true, if I know that one of the privileges of fatherhood is to comfort a child, then why am I so reluctant to let my heavenly Father comfort me?

Why do I think he wouldn't want to hear about my problems? ("They are puny compared to people starving in India.")

Why do I think he is too busy for me? ("He's got a whole universe to worry about.")

Why do I think he's tired of hearing the same old stuff?

Why do I think he groans when he sees me coming?

Why do I think he consults his list when I ask for forgiveness and asks, "Don't you think you're going to the well a few too many times on this one?

"Why do I think I have to speak a holy language around him that I don't speak with anyone else?

Why do I not take him seriously when he questions, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11)

Why don't I let my Father do for me what I am more than willing to do for my own children?

I'm learning, though. Being a parent is better than a course on theology. Being a father is teaching me that when I am criticized, injured, or afraid, there is a Father who is ready to comfort me. There is a Father who will hold me until I'm better, help me until I can live with the hurt, and who won't go to sleep when I'm afraid of waking up and seeing the dark.

Ever. And that's enough.

God is teaching me that He is there for me and that I can trust Him with anything. Thank goodness He knows what to do all the time, because I don't most of the time :) But I have learned that if I follow Him, He will guide me through the most difficult of times.

Warning!

2007-09-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Blog under construction. School is taking up a lot of my time right now. So please be patient.

A first

2007-09-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Janae sang with The Singing Friends. We were all so proud of her!!