Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Am I living to make a difference?

Today, I went to a funeral of a person who showed me what God's love really looks like. She showed me that caring for someone doesn't just make a difference at that time, but a life long impact that can change lives for forever. Her daughter read the poem "The Dash", which talks about how it really doesn't matter on what day you were born or the day you die. But it's the time in between that God has allowed us to live and make a difference for His kingdom. I started to ask myself what am I doing to truly make a difference? Am I so focused on my needs and my ambitions, that I'm not taking the time for those who truly need me. Am I doing what it takes to show others God's love for them?

Lord, help me to live my life to bring glory and honor to You. Help me not to focus on me, but to focus on what You would have me to do.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


What is Love?
Can it be defined by mere man,
When created by an Almighty Creator?
Is it a feeling?
An emotion?
No, it is neither.
It is a commitment
Made by one person to another.
But ultimately, it is a commitment
Made by God to mere mortal man.
It is indescribable.
It is reliable.
It will never fail.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

What about the Glory?

We hear sermons about the Glory that was present so long ago.
We hear how people ran to the altar to get saved.
We hear that people ran, shouting up and down the aisle of the church or camp meeting.

But where is the Glory now? Where has it gone? Can we have it now?

A song written by Jerry Glick states that it's the Glory that will draw lost souls to kneel at Calvary, but that we must contend for it.

Are we really and truly contending for God's presence to be in our midst? This is not an easy task. The word contending means that you strive for something. These are some of the questions, I have started to ask myself.

Are we carrying a burden for the lost? Do we really believe that there is a Hell, as much as we believe there is a Heaven. Honestly, I think if I did I would be praying more. Lord, help me.

Are there things in our lives that we are placing before God?

Do we care enough about our brothers and sisters in Christ?

Is our words, actions, and spirit matching up with our profession of be a Christian?

Are we being a reflection of Christ to those around us?

Are our hearts surrendered completely to God?

What are we doing to show people the way to Christ?

There are things that God is going to ask you to give up. There are times when you will want to give up time of recreation for time of prayer. God will have to have full control, before He will be in the midst of us. He wants to have a relationship with His children. He wants to work in us, so that He can work through us.

Lord, help me to be a reflection of You. Help me to have a revival in my own heart.Help me to be a Christ follower and not a people pleaser. Help me to carry a burden for the lost like I should. Help me to always put You first. Amen

You see I don't want a revival of emotions. I want to see a revival that is God orchestrated. A revival that changes hearts and lives. A revival that souls will humble themselves before God and let Him work a miracle in their lives. Because then and only then will revival take place and last a life time.

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Brother and Lessons Learned

My brother was born in April 1980.Six years later, I came along. We also have an older sister that is eight years older than I am. For the most, part during our growing up years, my brother and I got along. There were those typical brother-sister moments when we had our fights like everyone else, but then you would find us playing with cars together on the living room floor. But as we started to grow older, my brother started making choices that would take him to places that he never thought he would go. You see, my siblings and I grew up in a Christian home, but that was not the lifestyle my brother decided to live. He started to secretly dabble in pornography at an early age. This addiction grabbed him. He tried many times to serve the Lord, but failed because of this addiction. After he graduated from high school, he decided to go to Bible College to try to escape. But, once again his addiction caught up with him and this time he was caught. He was sent home from the Bible College and decided to live with my sister and her husband.He later moved out into his own apartment, and without any accountability started down the path of pornography once again. This time the addiction wrapped him up so much that many times he chose his addiction over his family.This addiction started not to satisfy, so he started to try other things to satisfy his life. For about the length of a year, our family would go months at a time without hearing from my brother. During this time, the choices my brother made all of our family heavy hearted. I started praying, "Lord do whatever it takes to get my brother back into the family of God."

My grandpa had seventeen brothers and sisters, so some of my mom's cousins were closer in age to my sibling's and my age than my mom. In May 2007, one of those cousins who was around the same age as my brother was found dead at his home. This shook my brother, but not enough to turn to his life back to God. He decided to move back into my mom and dad's home that summer. In September 2007, my grandpa unexpectedly had a massive heart attack and died.Once again, I could see that it affected my brother, but still it seemed that he would make no move towards God.

Now I was scared for my brother and I started to pray, "God if it means taking my brother's life right after he gets saved for him to make it to Heaven, do it." I prayed this prayer for about two years. And during this time it seemed like I would never see this prayer answered. But slowly God started to get a hold of my brother's heart. My brother wanted to be a part of a church even though he wasn't saved. So the pastor of the church graciously allowed him to drive one of the church vans on Sunday morning. I going to be honest and say, when I heard this, I thought to myself, "Great, now he will never have a true relationship with God, because he got what he wanted." But God knew best. In July 2009, my brother took the teens from his church to a Youth Camp in Athens, MI. On Thursday night after a wonderful service, my brother slipped from the tabernacle and into his room to surrender his life to the Lord. My dad and mom started to see a change in his life.

A little over a month later my brother was diagnosed with a sinus infection. He was put on antibiotics, but they didn't work so they tried another antibiotic. Six weeks after he was saved, my mom called me telling me they were taking my brother to the hospital. He was so weak he couldn't walk without help from my parents. Small bruises were starting to appear on his face. It was my second day of my senior year of college, so I was heading to Wal-mart to pick up some supplies and groceries for school. I told her to keep me informed and I would talk to her later.

Five minutes after they got to the hospital she called me back and told me that it appeared that my brother had had a heart attack. I asked her if I should come in. She said to wait and see what the doctors said. I was finishing up at Wal-mart when my brother-in-law called me saying to pack up and meet him and my sister at their house. We needed to head to Ohio. Now it looked like my brother's kidneys were shutting down. I rushed back to my college apartment. I informed my friends what was happening and my immediate plans to leave town. They told me that they would drive me the two hours to my sister's house. We jumped in the car and headed to my sister's. I figured I would be back in a couple of days but wasn't for sure.

When we arrived at my sister's, I jumped in their van and we made the 3 and ½ hour trip to my hometown. I remember walking into the ICU room that he had been placed in. He was asleep,so we didn't disturb him. By this time, they had pushed liters of fluid into him due to the fact his kidneys were shutting down. Because of the amount of fluid his body was retaining, he didn't look like my brother.

The next few days felt like a trip on a roller coaster of emotions. I wanted my brother to live, but on the other hand I didn't want him to suffer. The doctors assumed that it was an infection spreading through his body, but they couldn't figure out the cause of the infection. By Thursday afternoon, the oxygen wasn't keeping up and the bruising had spread to other limbs of his body. By this time they had figured out that his blood platelets were extremely low and he was bleeding out under his skin.The doctors had placed him on the most powerful medicines to remove the infection, blood pressure medicine to keep his blood pressure from dropping dangerously low, but the medicine did not seem to help my brother at all. His body was weak and not fighting the infection. The doctors knew this, because he was not running a fever. The doctors asked if they could place him on a ventilator, and we agreed, hoping that somehow this would help his body to fight off whatever this infection was. Before placing him on the ventilator my brother's pastor went into the room and prayed with him. The last words my brother spoke were, "I'm in God's hands now."

By Friday, my brother's condition was looking a little better, but still very bleak. His kidneys had kicked in overnight a little and he started to have a slight fever. But by Friday afternoon, things started to go downhill once again. My dad, mom, sister, and I stayed in the hospital waiting room, because we didn't want to be far away. Honestly, I was waiting for them to call a code and find out it be for my brother. Morning came and no code.

Soon the nurse walked in the room and we all knew that it was bad news. My brother's kidneys had shut completely down. The medicine that they had him on to stabilize his blood pressure was not working. The nurse told us that the doctor would be out soon to give us options. As a family, we had already decided that we didn't want my brother to suffer, so we knew the end was in sight. The doctor took us into the small chapel by the waiting room and was very frank with us. My brother's brain had started to bleed. Because his body was doing it's best to try to keep the major organs operating the blood supply was not getting to his limbs and causing them to die. In short, if my brother would live he probably would be a vegetable and would have to have most, if not all, his limbs amputated. We as a family knew it was time to let him go. We asked them to keep him alive until as many of the extended family and friends as possible were able to say their good-byes.

It was close to noon. Everyone that had wanted to say their good-byes had come and gathered to give us their support. We were preparing to tell the nurse that we were ready to say good-bye ourselves, when the nurse quietly came out and told us that his blood pressure was dropping rapidly and the end was in sight. We rushed into to the room to spend the last few moments with my brother that he would spend on this earth. I remember watching the monitor as his blood pressure and pulse dropped to zero. I didn't understand why it was happening. I remember walking out of the room into one of my cousin's arms and crying uncontrollably. I remember walking into the hallway and telling friends and family that he was gone. Not realizing the finality of it all.

The next few days were a blur of planning the funeral and picking out flowers. It felt so unreal that my brother was in the presence of Jesus in Heaven. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.Even though my brother and I had our brother-sister moments, we were supposed to grow old and be able to pick on each other. I wanted to see him become a strong stable Christian. I wanted to have him at my college graduation, one day my wedding, and hopefully later on see my children grow up. But God had different plans. Honestly, even until this day, it doesn't seem real. Yes,reality is starting to set in slowly, as holidays and special events come and go and he is not there.

But I can say through each and every day, God has been there and he is teaching me lessons. The first lesson is to never take your family for granted. Many times while growing up, I just expected all of my family to grow old with me. Now I know that we need to make memories while we can. Every moment we spend together is time to be cherished.

The second lesson that I have learned through this situation and other situations in my life is that we can trust Jesus. No, we may not understand why God chose to allow the certain situation to happen, but we can lean on Him to give us the strength and the grace to help us through every day.

The third lesson, I have learned is life is short. Live it like this was your last day. Make decisions that you won't regret. Most importantly, make sure that your relationship with God is personal and real. Don't wait until the last minute to surrender your life to Jesus Christ. My brother didn't realize that six weeks after he surrendered his heart and life to Jesus that he would be seeing Him face-to-face. You and I probably don't realize just how close we are to that day as well.

The fourth lesson I learned is,don't think that you have done too much for God to forgive you. Yes, my brother was like the prodigal son, but God was willing to give my brother another chance. In one of the songs that was played at my brother's funeral the chorus contains these lyrics

"He ran to me, He took me in His arms

Held my head to His chest, said "My son's come home again"

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice He said,

"Son do you know I still love you?"

He caught me by surprise when God ran."

God still loves you no matter what you have done and wants to welcome you back into the fold of God. Please let Him. Just surrender your life and heart to Jesus. If you don't know how, please ask someone that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt loves and follows Jesus.

Remember, we are not promised tomorrow. Don't wait until the last minute to give your life to God, because you don't know when your last minute will be. God is waiting for you to walk into His arms. If you know that you are a Christian, keep trusting God. It will be worth it all.

Thank you to all who have prayed and supported our family during this time. It is greatly appreciated.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I started writing this a few months ago and just finished it tonight.

Today, I'm tired of waiting I want the man that God has for me now
I know this isn't what God has planned so I must wait.
Wait for the day that God has planned for us to meet
Wait for the day that you can hold me in your arms and kiss me good night
Wait for the day that we can dance under the moon light
Wait for the day that day so together we can grow old
Satisfied because we know that we waited for God's timing

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I wonder why
I hear trust Me
I wonder why now
I hear in My time
I wonder what for
I hear it’s My way
I surrender
I feel comfort and strength

Many times in life I don’t understand God’s ways and how He works. I wonder what is the point of all the pain and the hurt. Then God reminds me of the past, how He has worked out everything before. I can’t say that I understand why God chose to take my brother, but I can say that I trust Him to know what is best for me, my family, and my friends. I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt and there’s not an empty spot in my heart, but I can say that the hope I have gives me comfort and strength to take the next step. I may never know for sure the reason why, but I know for sure that one day I will see my brother in the Place where there will be no pain or death again.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Good-bye but not forever

Where do I start? It seems so abrupt. Not knowing what to say. Hanging on to memories. From playing trucks and cars in the living room to the last good-bye. Wondering what the future would have held if God would have left you here to serve him a little longer. Not understanding why yet, but remembering that God never makes a mistake. It seems weird thinking that you won't be here for Christmas or my wedding or see my kids. It still seems like a bad dream that I will wake up and you will still be here. I miss picking on you and you picking on me. I miss going out to Dillon with the you, Mom, and Dad.

I'm thankful that you gave your life to Jesus before you went. So that one day I can run up behind you and punch your arm and then give you a hug.

I miss you and love you. Tell Papaw hi. See ya later